The Quality of Mercy
by arthurignatius
Summary: Throughout his lives, the Doctor has felt that he has, on balance, acted fairly and justly. He has defended those who cannot defend themselves. He has guarded against the destruction of worlds. He has forged bridges between species to pave a way for a better future. But now, leaning on the TARDIS console, waiting for Clara to return, he is wondering if he has got himself wrong.


Throughout his lives, the Doctor has felt that he has, on balance, acted fairly and justly. He has defended those who cannot defend themselves. He has guarded against the destruction of worlds. He has forged bridges between species to pave a way for a better future. But now, leaning on the TARDIS console, waiting for Clara to return, he is wondering if he has got himself wrong the entire time.

Regeneration has always been a tricky business. Finding out his quirks, behaviour and temperament have always taken time. But throughout all of his incarnations, the Doctor's deepest beliefs and values have remainder the same. Whilst his latest outing with Clara has confirmed that he is now in possession of a quick, dry wit, it also called into question one of the values that the Doctor had always tried to uphold. It called into question is mercy.

The Doctor chose to save Journey. He his doing Caecilius proud. He is doing himself proud. He even saved a Dalek. But in the end, he almost wished he hadn't. To have someone say that they see the quality in you that you abhor most about them is heartbreaking under any circumstance. But for the Doctor to hear from a Dalek that the hatred which courses through the children of Skaro, not only runs deep with in but actually defines him in their eyes is crushing. It negates almost everything that he values most about himself.

A Dalek shows no mercy. It does not rationalise, empathise, understand or care. It is incapable of imagining itself in the place of another. In the place of those of which it is at war. It cannot differentiate between the guilty and the innocent. Is this who the Doctor really is? He knows that he has acted as judge, jury and executioner on more than one occasion in his past but he always hoped that he would be saved by his sense of justice and forgiveness.

As Clara comes back, he pulls himself out of his revere. He can't be all bad, he thinks, she has stuck by him. There must still be a redeeming factor somewhere. Whilst the Doctor misses her dearly when she has gone, he needs time on his own to work things out. And besides that, Clara is busy teaching the young minds of Coal Hill about the joys of nouns, adjectives and Jane Austen. He flies the TARDIS to an empty point in space and opens the front doors. Standing in the doorway, he unbuttons his coat, placing his hands into his pockets. A vast nothingness stretches out before him.

To hate someone who hates you with such a vehement passion that they would be prepared to commit genocide, is by anyones measure understandable. So is this what the Doctor and his hatred have created? A hideous catch 22 scenario in which the Doctor and the Daleks are in a perpetual state of war because neither can get past their own hatred to take a step back and review the situation from a neutral standpoint? With a sickening jolt, the Doctor suddenly realises that there is probably some truth in this.

A Dalek has been engineered to feel hatred. The Doctor has not. His mother didn't raise him to kill, to believe he was superior to others or to be so blinded by prejudice that a truce cannot be drawn with those whom he disagrees with. Above all, she did not raise him to hate. The Doctor was the quietest and the most withdrawn of her children. He struggled socially but she was desperate for the behaviour of the minority not to spoil his later relationships with others. Throughout his childhood her compassion and warmth had been a source of great comfort and inspiration to him. It was these qualities in her he most admired and desperately wanted to carry on. She always someone to turn to, she made things better and had the upmost respect for life. She made him want to be The Doctor.

But now standing alone in the empty TARDIS, he wonders if he has failed.

"I'm sorry"

He speaks so softly, he barely makes a noise.

A flash of light floods the TARDIS, startling the Doctor. Squinting against the bright white, the Doctor can just about see the edges of a green gas cloud. As the light shrinks slightly a much larger darker red could forms with a glowing white centre. A star has been born.


End file.
